I periodically submit captions for The New Yorker's cartoon contest. Here are all my losing entries.

"Thank the stars we got outta that astronomical real estate market."

"Now this is gonna hurt like crazy."

"You're the one who said that island life suits you!"

"I'm sure it's either number 2 or number 3."

"As a matter of fact Mr. Filbert, an increasing number of my patients are telling me they actually enjoy the anal probe."

"Water."

"Funny, it doesn't look Jewish..."

"Sorry Mrs. Filbert, Chief says we can't show the face or likeness of #6."

"You heard me! I wanna trade it in for a pc!"

"Uh, yeah, we'll have our guy come in and smooth that over before the move-in date."

"I'd love to go for a coffee! I'm free 'til 5:59!"